Draft Saved 12:51 PM

Last night I woke, spat half of a tooth into my hand, examined it sleepily and set it next to my lamp at my bedside. It was surreal. I've had dreams of breaking teeth and teeth falling out before. I wasn't sure if I was awake or if I was asleep. I went to the bathroom, decided not to turn the light on and decided not to look in the mirror, lest I have nightmares about toothless smiles. I went back to bed and had nightmares about toothless smiles.
When I woke again this morning I thought all of it was a dream, but the half-broken tooth remained at my bedside, and there was an empty space in my mouth where there hadn't been before.
This is okay. That tooth was already broken. It broke in half three years ago, so I wasn't super surprised when it broke again. But I think I need to go to the dentist.

Yesterday I started an account with 750words.com. If you haven't heard of this website, it's really neat. I recommend it. It's for writers, and thinkers and people who are alive. Basically you just get on and write, write, write until you've reached at least seven hundred fifty words. This is supposed to clear your mind of clutter, something I often have a very difficult time with.
It's based on the idea of "morning pages," where you write three pages every morning when you wake up, before you do anything else. It's supposed to help improve your writing. I just find it to be very therapeutic. It's private and there is no setting that allows other people to read it. So I just go go go until my thoughts have stopped. I like to read the information that the website draws from whatever I write. It gives statistics like the words you most frequently use, how you were feeling when you wrote it, and how long it took to read 750 words. So far I am most amazed by how it accesses my feelings. Yesterday I didn't think I wrote anything to indicate how I felt and it still accessed my emotional status very accurately. So yeah, you should try it. I am glad that Joel and Deanna told me about it.
Today I am getting my dreads worked on and I am very excited about that.
I should go home and eat. I am hungry.
Blah blah blah blah. I should start taking notes throughout the day. I always think about things I want to write later and then forget.
Anyway, I love you and I'll see you later.

~Nadj

On Days Like Today

Hello world on the other side of the screen.

On days like today I go to work and make coffee at 200 degrees Fahrenheit, then spill it all over myself. Burning my hand with coffee is good for making tasks that aren't particularly enjoyable in the first place absolutely miserable.
For instance: Cleaning dirty tables.
Cleaning dirty tables is not absolutely miserable. It can be dull, or frustrating when people are slobs (and more often than not they are). Even so, while I would not choose cleaning dirty tables as my activity for a leisurely afternoon, it is not miserable.
Cleaning dirty tables with a burned hand can be miserable, especially if you are as spacey and inattentive to everything in life as I am. Here's the way it goes:
Step One - Fill bucket with hot soapy water.
Step Two - Grab a rag with burned hand.
Step Three - Plunge burned hand that is now holding the rag into hot, soapy water.
Step Four - Holy freaking ouch, putting a burned hand in hot water hurts. Withdraw hand.
Step Five - Decide to use left hand for wiping tables.
Step Six - After after immense pain in hand mellows, absentmindedly dismiss step five while daydreaming.
Step seven - Repeat steps three through five until all of the tables are clean.
And the beat goes on.
On days like today there is always a wide variety of tasks that aren't particularly enjoyable in the first place that can be made absolutely miserable by having a burned hand, and a not so wide of a variety of burn relief medicines in the first aid kit back in the kitchen. Oh well.

I've been feeling kind of antsy recently. Like, no matter what I'm in the middle of, I'm only half doing it because really I'm just waiting for what I'm going to do next. All day at work I think of leaving work to go do other things. But even after I get off of work, I never feel content with doing what I've been waiting to do; I want to stop in the middle of it and start on the next thing. The only time I feel content to continue what I'm doing is when I'm asleep. Maybe I'm just tired.
My days seem to drag on endlessly.
My days seem to pass me by at an alarmingly rapid pace.
I couldn't tell you what I spend my time doing every day.
I forget what it is I've been looking forward to, but I can't wait.

Anyway, I wish I could write like I used to. I think maybe I am in a...what's it called when you're stuck in one spot and lacking creativity? I'm stuck in one of those.

I love you. Goodbye.

~Nadj

Break From My Keys

Hello Internet World

Today I was very tired. Tomorrow I'm sure I will be tired again. Somehow an entire week has passed since my last piano lesson and I've managed to let that week pass without practicing. So today I wanted to try and make up for that week before tomorrow's lesson.
So far...I'm tired.
I don't mind though. I just want to go back to my lesson tomorrow having improved, and I'm willing to sacrifice some rest for that. But right now I'm taking a break from the keys.

You know what's amusing to me? When, as a goodbye you tell someone to have a good such and such and they respond by saying, "You too," even though it doesn't apply. Example:
ME: Hey, how's it going?
FRIEND: Alright, on my way to visit my brother. You?
ME: I'm good. I'm on my way to work.
FRIEND: Blah blah blah. Random small talk.
ME: Blah blah blah. Showing interest in what you have to say for five minutes.
FRIEND: Okay, well I've gotta get going. Good seeing you.
ME: Yeah. it was good seeing you. Have a good time visiting your brother.
FRIEND: Yeah, you too.

But I'm not going to visit my brother; I'm going to work. So it isn't likely that I will too. This happens nearly almost every day. Either I accidentally say, "You too," and catch myself in the middle of saying it, but can't change it before it's too late, or someone else says it and walks away. It's like we're stuck in these auto-pilot conversation lines and even if what we automatically are going to say doesn't fit into the conversation, we can't help saying it anyway.

I have taken to getting up at 5:30 a.m. and writing before getting ready for work. In a way it's therapeutic. But I need to make sure I get enough rest.
I have a lot on my mind and I would like to write all of it out. But I should get back to my keys.

I love you. Good night.

~Nadj

What do I want to title this?

Sometimes I feel like my thoughts and feelings don’t exist unless I write them down. I haven’t been writing often recently, so they get all built up and backed up. They pile up more and more inside of me until them come spilling out all over the place in ways that don’t make sense: usually in the form of incoherent rambling to anyone around that seems mildly interested in what I have to say.

I get frustrated with people a lot. I feel like no one really takes life seriously. Is everyone’s main priority cost and convenience? Contrary to what people say, it seems to me that most people care about their money first and then their comfort. The lives of those around them and even their own lives take minimal concern.

I need to go home so I can make things I guess. I thought I was really in the mood for writing.

Apparently not.